Peruvian Bigamist Can't Cut The Propane

Tags: jerk, Peruvian bigamist, Arco, Arcology, viral video, Factotum, gas station, Arconians, jarvis, propane, White Rhino, Blue Rhino, marquisdejolie, pursy, pygalgia, ructuosity, tentigo, thrimmel

Feb 16, 2002

            What a jerk Eddie is. Tonight there was a long, long line of lottery-fevered folks in the Arco. More people than I have ever seen in there. Eddie was doing just the lottery sales and night man Day was doing gas and sundries. I had finished my stock boy chores around 6 and was getting ready to sign out when Galen asked if I could hang around a little while until the lines went down to watch for shoplifting in the back of the store.

            A customer came in for propane and I attempted to fill his tank, but it wasn't working. Something was wrong with his tank. I tried 20 minutes to get it to work but it just wouldn't. I explained to the customer that something was wrong with his tank and apologized that I hadn't been able to help him. The customer understood, no problem, but when he went back to get his refund, Eddie left the long line of lottery customers, came up to me and barked "Give me those keys!" (as if I had done something wrong). He just walked off and left the lottery customers. I couldn't believe it.

            Eddie was going to show me up, to show what a smart-ass he is, but all he ended up doing was showing his ass to the customer when he couldn't do it. Eddie couldn't put any propane into the tank even after he'd told the customer that I didn't know what I was doing. What a jerkwad. Where the hell did he get the idea that he knew more about propane tanks than me. I do them all the time. It's part of my stock boy job. He just does them when I'm not around. What a dipstick.

            Meanwhile, Damian was mad as hell at Eddie for just walking away from the counter, leaving all those customers angry. He does that a lot, Eddie does. Just walks away. Fuck the customers, Eddie's gotta act the big cheese. I think it's because he's so short. Short people often have that Napoleanic Control Freak Complex thing going on . . .always trying to prove that they're smarter than the tall people.

      I'm gonna clobber that little Peruvian bigamist sonovabitch if he tries to pull that "he don't know what he's doing" routine on me again. I'm The White Rhino, I sure as hell know how to fill those Blue Rhino propane tanks.